


Can't Get A Look In

by ChloeWeird



Series: A Look Inside [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Banter, Episode: s03e02 The Sign of Three, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, OT3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 06:23:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloeWeird/pseuds/ChloeWeird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janine tries to find Mary to say goodbye before the honeymoon, but she finds a lot more than she bargained for...</p><p>This is sort of a continuation of my other fic The Whole Picture, but it can stand on it's own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Get A Look In

“Bring the car around, I’ll only be a minute!” Janine yelled out the heavy, paneled wooden door of Mary’s wedding venue. She didn’t wait for Alex (Alan? Adrian?) to respond before she let it close and dashed up the stairs to where she thought she’d seen the new Mr. and Mrs. Watson run off to.

She didn’t blame them for slipping away. Being newly married had to be a rush, and there were still plenty of people taking advantage of the open bar and refusing to go home.

They weren’t the only ones who’d disappeared of the face of the earth. The dishy Mr. Sherlock Holmes had snuck out pretty soon after making the longest, oddest (most entertaining) Best Man’s speech she’d ever sat through, and he hadn’t even gotten her number. At least he left her a consolation prize with Aaron. (Andy? Anthony?)

When she reached the top of the stairs, she stumbled a little and grabbed the banister to catch her balance. She’d had more than a few drinks and her floor length dress was seriously getting on her nerves. (God, she hated that dress. It made her hips look enormous and the purple was nauseating. The things she did for dear Mary.)

The room stopped whirling after a bit and she tottered down the hall on her 3 inch heels, peeking into open doorways and down halls for her friend so that she could say goodbye before the honeymoon.

Neither Mary or John were anywhere in sight, though, and Aiden (Alvin?) was probably almost outside the house, so she turned to leave. (Slowly. No need to twist an ankle tonight.)

She was almost back to the stairs when she heard a thump and a giggle from behind one of the doors behind her in the long hallway.

She backtracked quietly, listening hard for more sounds. She heard another muffled thud coming from the room that someone had told her was the loo when she’d first arrived.

She strained her ears and was rewarded. She could clearly hear John’s voice, as well as Mary’s, even from a few feet away. Naughty, naughty Watsons! Couldn’t even make it to their actual room to do the deed, had to have a quickie in the bathroom.

Janine pulled out her phone and was about to text Mary goodbye on her way down the stairs when she heard a voice that didn’t sound at all like John. It was far too low, and John had _never_ had such a sinful chuckle.

As quietly as she could, she crept closer to the room, stopping when she was just inches away from the thick door. She listened again, and confirmed that there were three distinct voices in the tiny bathroom:

“Ow, let me scooch forward, darling, this sink’s poking me in the back.”

“Gonna be something else poking you in a minute.”

“Oh, har har, Dr. Smarty-pants”

“Honestly, John, sexual innuendo is the lowest form of wit.”

“Sherlock, I think that’s sarcasm.”

“Well, I have leave you with _something._ Can’t take all your material.”

“Oi, you wanker, I’m funny!”

“Awe, Sherlock, I think you’ve hurt his feelings.”

“We can’t have that, can we? Here, I’ll just have to make it up to you.”

Whoa. Janine shook her head, trying to somehow clear her ears, even though it wasn’t her hearing that was alcohol impaired.

She was drunk, but she was not _that_ drunk. There was no way that she was imagining that Sherlock Holmes was crammed in a bathroom with Mary and John and that he had just said something that _really_ sounded like a come on in that glorious, sexy voice of his.

 _Oh my god,_ she thought, _no one would ever believe me if I told them._

Mary Watson. That lucky bitch. A respectable, nice, passably handsome doctor for a husband, and a gorgeous, mysterious, famous detective for a…Lover? Boyfriend? Occasional sexy threesome booty call?

Janine clapped a hand over her mouth to keep the hysterical laugh from bubbling up. If this was someone pulling a prank on her, she had to congratulate them, because she was really, _really_ surprised.

“How are you doing down there, Sherlock? Did you get lost?”

“John Watson, you be quiet this instant. This is the last time I’m going to be able to do this for two whole weeks while you are away on your silly sex holiday, so I am taking my time.”

“Oh, silly is it? You’d better tell Mycroft you think it’s silly, he’ll be ever so pleased to find out that he’s foot the bill on a honeymoon his own brother thinks is silly.”

“And besides which, honey, it’s your own fault. You know you’re welcome to come with us. You were the one who said Spain was boring.”

“Seriously, who thinks Spain is boring?”

“Spain _is_ boring. And I’ll thank you not to mention my brother’s name when I’m down here, doing this to you.”

“Alright, Alright. Oh. Ohhh, I swear, I’ll never ever say his name again if you’ll just keep doing _that_.”

“What’s he doing, John, I can’t see.”

“Mmm.”

“The stupid dress is in the way, move your leg.”

“Mmmmmm.”

“ _Oh._ That.”

“Ngh.”

“That’s a good one.”

“ _Ngh._ ”

“God, Sherlock, how do you even breathe?”

“Hngh! Ah!”

If Janine hadn’t heard them before, she definitely would have heard _that_. She was pretty sure a few of the guests downstairs might have heard it too. For a while, all she could hear through the door was a faint rustle of clothing. 

“Good lord, John, I had no idea you were so flexible. We should have sex in cramped bathrooms more often.”

“There’s always the aeroplane loo, although I hear that’s entirely overrated.”

“Oh, you hear, do you? Don’t lie, John’s told me all about that trip to Canada and the unspeakable things you did in the aeroplane loo.”

 “…Now that trip was decidedly _not_ boring. Don’t you agree, John? John?”

“Mmmmmbugh.”

“…Was that even English?”

“I think you’ve broken him. Did you leave any for me? We’ve got a whole two weeks of sex holiday to get through.”

“Oh, just prop him up against a wall in the villa somewhere, he’ll recharge eventually.

“Ah, good…I really will miss you, you know. Both of us will.”

“…I’ll miss you as well. Both of you.”

For a few seconds, there was only silence, then another thump and a long, breathy moan.  
  
Definitely time to go. Janine decided. She turned to leave, walking on her toes to keep her heels from clicking too loudly. She’d almost made it 4 feet away from the door when the floor boards creaked loudly under her.

“Shh! Did you hear that?”

She held herself still, praying they wouldn’t open the door to check the hallway. After a few tense moments, she heard Sherlock again, his deep voice carrying more than Mary’s ever could.

“It was nothing, just a drunk guest searching for the loo. They’ve probably already gone.”

“They better. Come here, you.”

“Bossy, Mrs. Watson.”

“Ooh, say it again. I want to hear it.”

“Mrs. Watson. Mrs. Mary Watson.”

“It sounds perfect, doesn’t it?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, what are we going to do until John can walk again?”

“I might have a few ideas.”  
  
“How many?”

“Seven.”

“Clever boy.”

“Quite right.”

“Wait, wait. Do _not_ rip this dress, Sherlock, I mean it!”

“Bossy.”

“Ow, sink!”

“Sorry. Better?”

“Mmm. _Much._ ”

More silence. Janine was just wondering how she was going to slip away when Mary’s giggles and squeals escalated enough that she could step on the squeaky floorboard again and slip down the hallway as fast as she could.

As she hurried down the stairs to get back to Adam (Alonso?), she passed John’s cop friend.

“Loo up this way?” he asked, pointing to where she’d come from.

“Yeah, but…” _There’s a ménage a trois going on up there, so don’t touch any surfaces_ , “…It’s occupied.”

“Is it?”

“ _Oh_ yeah.”

The detective narrowed his eyes at her, then shifted his gaze to the top of the stairs.

“Right,” he said, slowly, after a long silence. “I’d be better off going downstairs, then?”

“Probably,” she assured him.

The man gave her an odd look, then smiled politely and went off the find the other bathroom.

Turning on her phone, she sent off a well-wishing text to Mary, and waved goodbye to a few of her friends as she left.

 _Hugh!_ She thought as she closed the door behind her. His name was Hugh. Like the actor. Sherlock Holmes would be proud.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I love Janine :P
> 
> As always, I looooooove any con crit, so please consider leaving a comment!
> 
> xo


End file.
